Getting married is a milestone for many couples who choose to make that step in their relationship. It is an union that unites a couple together for better and for worse, but there’s a few things you should consider before you tie the knot.
Many people get caught up in the wedding, and the guests, and all the material things and do not have the important conversations that need to be had before you decide to live your lived together forever.
Here is a list of ten things to consider before you tie the knot.
1.House or apartment? Where would you be living? Many couples move in together for the first time after they get married but never decide where they will live. Are you going to buy a home together? Are you going to be moving to one of your apartments or homes? Are you going to hold off and wait to buy a home and still live separately? Location can be a dealbreaker for many couples, so it is important to know where your spouse hopes to spend most of their life in this new chapter together.
2. Debt. How much debt do you guys have combines? Once you sign those papers you guys become responsible for another’s debt. It is important to know how much your spouse owes. Especially if they owe a lot more money than you do. You do not want to become an “injured spouse” during tax season because your partner was not honest about how much money they owed.
3. Children. How many children do you want or do you plan to have children? In the beginning of the relationship, talking about children and settling down becomes something you do not really worry about or think about because it seems very far away. It is important to know your spouses standpoint when it comes to children, when they want to have them if at all. Is adoption an option? These are very serious conversations that you should not wait until the last moment to ask your spouse about.
4.Household roles and chores. It is 2020, so not every woman wants to be a stay at home mom and be home all day cleaning up after everyone or maybe you do. Every couple is different and every marriage is going to be different. Talk about how you want to split up chores such as cleaning, laundry, cooking? It is important to have these conversations, so no one feels like they are pulling all the weight. Especially if you both work and have kids. Also, when considering same sex marriages, these roles can look so different and unique, so please have conversations about how you want your household to run.
5.Bills. How will you split the bills? Decide how you will be paying your bills. Are you splitting bills evening or taking responsibility for certain bills around the house? Especially if both of you make different salaries or hourly rates you have to make sure that the way the bills are paid work fairly for the both of you. Financials can be awkward to talk about, but it’s very real and can truly affect how you live your lives as a couple.
6.Honeymoon phase. Just how when it is when you are starting to get to know your partner and everything feels magical and amazing. It will also feel like that in the beginning of your marriage as you get used to this new life together. Realize that the relationship will not always be rainbows and butterflies, but that does not mean that all is lost in the relationships. This is a person you will spend most of your days together so it is natural to not be all over each other 24.7 and to want your own space sometimes. Don’t let social media or other couples let you think that there is something wrong going on in your relationship.
7.Family traditions. What family traditions do you want to bring into your marriage from both sides? How close are they with family? How will you be spending important holidays? These are questions that sometimes come up as the holidays you celebrate come up. It is hard to be in two places at once especially when your families may live in opposite directions. Sometimes it is nice to make your own traditions together and be together as one for certain holidays, so you could build your own traditions together especially as you start having your own children.
8.Learn to apologize. I’m sorry is so hard to say especially when you want to stand your ground and do not see the wrong in your actions, but when you have a marriage that you want to go the distance you need to know how to take the high road and find the middle ground with your partner. There is going to be small and big conflicts that you will come against as a couple, and it is important that you learn to apologize and accept that none of you are perfect and you will never be.
9.Sex life. Contrary to popular belief you will not be jumping each other’s bones 24.8, but do realize that sex is going to be part of your relationships, and you should communicate with your partner what you want when it comes to sex and how much you would want it to happen. It is not a robotic thing, so it’s not like its going to be perfect, but as long as you communicate how important intimacy is to you and how important it is to you; it will keep things healthy in the relationship.
10. Trust. Communicate what would be a deal breaker for trust in your marriage. This can be different depending on your morals and values. Discuss what makes you uncomfortable and what would make you feel uncomfortable and lose trust. Trust is the most important part of any relationships, so this is probably one of the most important conversations you should have before you even agree to be anyone’s fiancé let alone wife.
What are you marriage expectations ?
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