Sometimes friendships get toxic and you just want to run and hide and get away from it as soon as possible. What if I told you that you can fix toxic friendships or try to work on them?
You don’t have to give up hope the moment things go sour. Even in our own families, we go through trials and tribulations and you still show up to the family gathering as if nothing has happened.
As I grow older, I have reflected on how friendships sometimes don’t work out because people don’t try to work it out or find out why it is not working. It’s just like any other relationship you may have. You don’t just break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend after the first fight. You try to figure out what went wrong and find ways to mend the friendships.
Below are 10 ways you can fix friendships that are going down the toxic route.
- Lay it out all on the table and discuss what has been bothering you, but be careful with your words, and try not to project anger. You want to build the friendship and not break it down more.
- Don’t try to fix all the problems all at once. Pick one problem that is the overarching problem and find a way to fix it. Then move on to the next thing if there is one.
- Find a middle ground. Do not just lean one way to please your friend and don’t lean back to please them. Find a place where both are comfortable and start from there.
- Once you decide to work on the friendship, do not bring up the past. It is what it is. It already happened. Focus on the future and how you can make it better.
- Don’t hold grudges. If you decided to work on the friendship, do not hold animosity towards each other. Think of it as a blank slate with remove for improvement.
- Continue open communication. Sometimes friendships don’t work because you are afraid to hurt each other’s feelings. If you word things carefully, and explain that everything is coming from a good place, it should avoid any misunderstanding.
- Don’t have these conversations via text. Call each other, video chat, Facetime, meet up. Don’t text. So many times things get misconstrued in text and it makes it difficult to understand that person’s vibe.
- Keep your ego to the side. Fixing relationships is all about taking the high road and not being petty. Stick to the mission at hand and keep a tender heart.
- Apologize. Its okay to apologize. It means you are owning up to your mistakes. Also accept apologies. This means you are open to turning over a new leaf.
- Enjoy something fun. Don’t obsess over the negative stuff so much. Think about something fun you both like to do, or try something new with another.
Moral of the story: Friendships are relationships that need to be nurtured and taken care of. Just how you give your significant other chances again and again, you can give friendships a few chances over.
Most importantly, know your worth and know when enough had been done to mend the friendship.
This is a great post. Thank you. But what do you do if your friends avoid and deflect any sort of conflict? Or perhaps, just don’t care to fix it?
Yup I have def been there. It’s also about also realizing your worth. Just how in romantic relationships , you may be the only one trying to make it work. Eventually you realize, it’s not meant to be. This is harder to realize with friendships sometimes because losing friends it hard. I have def been there. Losing a good friend I had for ten years, but we did try and it just didn’t work out. That person also felt she had nothing to fix.
I just wish someone would say what went wrong.. there is no excuse for their actions other then they just don’t care about me anymore.. but I’d rather be told they don’t want to see me anymore versus inviting me out when the decide too just to pick on me.. and like an idiot I go thinking they invited me out because they do want to see me.
I dislike cattiness like that. It’s sad that people are like that and really invite you places so that you can be part of their inside jokes . Just value yourself and realize when it’s time to walk away from the friendship
It’s sad that people in their late 30s or 40s act that way.. it’s petty and very immature.. I’d expect that behavior in high school. Thank you 🙏🏼
Also I just want to add that I used to be the type that would avoid the conflict because I didn’t want to hurt my friends feelings, but I realize that can also be a problem.
It causes inner conflict with the other person. Did the other person do something to upset you? Or anger you? Or you just didn’t want the friendship anymore?
Growing out of a friendship is very real and something we don’t realize but I don’t think it’s ever a reason to end of friendship. I’ve have several friends that we have grown apart with no negative fall out and we still have respect and small talk, but I do envy those sometimes that have had friends since like Kindergarten because as much as I have tried those friendships didn’t last. Which is okay . Things change, people move, have different interest. I def just been reflecting on how can I be a better friend and also set Boundaries for myself.
Oh I know it’s real.. I had a best friend of 16 years.. it was one sided though and she was only there when she needed something.. finally, I just cut the cord and never spoke to her again after the last time she screwed me over. I had to do it that way because I always gave in to her excuses.. it was a vicious circle.. I still feel bad about it.. but I tried to fix it for years
Also good on you for being so in tune with yourself and self growth! ❤️
Wow ! Thank you 🥺! I’m trying. .sometimes you have to own up to what you did because conflicts are usually never a one way street. 🙏🏽
Good advice here. Thanks! 🙂